Tag Archives: perspective

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Best Things: One Question That Can Make Any Day a Great Day

Marissa, our youngest daughter, was home for the weekend. She’d been at college for over a year and occasionally came home on weekends to see high school friends, do laundry, and sometimes even hang out with Mom and Dad.

On one of those weekends, we managed to coax her to stay for a leisurely Sunday dinner and catch us up on all the latest events in her life. While the food was being dished onto the plates, she blurted out, “Let’s do Best Things! I’ve been missing it like crazy! Dad, you go first. What was your best thing?”

One of our long-time family traditions is called “Best Things.” Over the years, we found that by engaging the family in this little five-step practice, we could do more to affect our kid’s—and our own— outlook on life than just about anything else.

We usually did it at the dinner table and often several times a week. It’s a simple practice and apparently one the kids loved—even if they seemed to resist it at the time.

By asking everybody at the table one simple question, the emotional climate of the day could be completely turned into one of optimism and gratitude. It’s the fastest way I know of to ensure that anybody can have a great day.

Here’s how it works:

  • Step 1: Set the ground rules.

    • Everyone will have a turn being asked one question.
    • The respondent may only answer the specific question being asked.
    • The question my not be altered.
    • There will be one conversation happening at the table.
    • One person speaks, all the others listen.

  • Step 2: Ask the question of the first person.

    Then move around the table asking each one the question:
    “What was the best thing about your day?”
    Or, “What was the best thing that happened to you today?”

  • Step 3: Don’t accept “Nothing” as an answer.

    You’ll probably find that “Nothing” becomes the default answer. The response will invariably go like this, “Nothing good happened today. But, let me tell you about ‘X’. It was awful!”

    When this comes up say, “Oops. Remember, we’ve got to follow the rules. Of all the things that happened today, what was the BEST thing?”

  • Step 4: Persist until you get an answer.

    Know this; we human beings like to wallow in our misery. We like to complain and we like to get sympathy. So, it can be really hard for us to admit that something good actually happened. And there will be days when it truly seems that nothing good happened.

    If you get to a dead end with someone at the table, pull out the secret weapon. Say, “I know, it sounds like you had a pretty lousy day. BUT, if you HAD to find one thing that was best, what would it be?”

    You’re likely to still get resistance. Just keep sounding like a broken record. “I know. I know. But if you HAD to pick out one thing, what would it be?” Or, you can ask, “If you DID have a Best Thing, what would it be?”

    Gently persist. Trust me. It works.

    If you ask this with a bit of humor, the person will usually give in and come up with something. Everyone usually has a good laugh when the person thinks and thinks and FINALLY comes up with the one thing.

  • Step 5: Probe a little deeper.

    Once a “Best Thing” is identified, ask a follow-up question: “What was it about ‘X’ that was so good?” The idea here is to focus more tightly. It’s one of my beliefs that you usually get more of what you focus on. So, let’s be intentional about where we direct our focus.

As parents, we have a window of years when we can dramatically influence our children. Developing a family tradition, like playing “Best Things,” can be one of the most enduring and positive ways we can teach them to experience life.

Even though our children are grown and out of the house, we’ll notice that at birthday dinners, or other family get-togethers, someone will invariably start the table conversation with, “What was your Best Thing today?” It really gets fun when guests are at the table and they have to be asked, “I know, but if you DID have a Best Thing, what would it be?”

And, I have to smile when I catch Michael or myself asking the other this question with no one else around except us. It’s an amazingly powerful question.

As a side note, I’ve also been proudly told by my married daughters, that they are carrying on the tradition with their own kids. What more reward can a parent hope for?

So, give it a try at your house. Let me know how it works out.

Go make it a great day!

P.S. I want to add one more thing. Take a minute and scroll down through the comments until you get to the one left by Marc Ensign. Read what he says. He talks about a similar practice called “Highs and Lows.” I love it. In fact, I might like it better than Best Thing alone. It’s a great lead-up to it. What do you think?

Question: What was your best thing today?

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Do The Walk

(All photos for this post were taken on my iPhone.)

Let’s admit it. When it comes to doing things that you know are good for you, you can act like a little child. There are those times when you just don’t want to. Inwardly you feel like a rebellious little brat who just refuses. “You can’t make me.” “You’re not the boss of me.”

Or you’re like a whiney, pouty little kid. “I don’t feel like it.” “I can’t.” “Just leave me alone.”

Or there are those times when you are too cool and too smart to do it. “That’s okay. You go ahead.” “I’m fine.” “I’ve already tried that.”

There’s a little kid inside of each of us. Keeping us from getting what we truly want.

I just got through reading Do The Work. In it Steven Pressfield gets us to acknowledge that in the pursuit of any personal goal or creative dream we WILL meet resistance. Resistance is what holds us back. It’s what firmly stands in our way to keep us from achieving what it is that we want. Pressfield lays out a great strategy for overcoming this “dragon” of resistance.

The force of resistance can apply to a lot more than just the pursuit of goals. In truth, it rears it’s ugly head whenever good is pursued. It often shows up in the form of that spoiled little child.

That child showed up big-time for me today. Even though I am in the beautiful Rocky Mountains enjoying my first ever sabbatical, I was in a funk. A grumpy mood. So when Mike said it was time to get out and go on our daily hike I procrastinated. I protested. I pleaded. I found myself face-to-face with that inner “dragon” of resistance.

Hiking sounded like too much worrrrrk. I’d rather sit on the couch and stay grumpy. That was much easier. I had lots of excuses why I could skip going outside today. Thankfully, with Mike’s gentle coaxing, I found that I could put on my boots, grab my poles, and get outside.

Within five minutes of walking the rewards started to come to me. By the time we got back home (an hour and ten minutes later), my mood had drastically changed and I felt more like my true self.

How did that happen? What are the rewards? Why is it crucial to get outside—in and among nature—and walk as often as possible?

I discovered three reasons:

1. You find yourself living in the present.

Because the terrain is unpredictable, you have to pay attention. Unlike walking on smooth concrete or asphalt, you have to watch your step. You have to be alert. There are dips and rises, rocks and branches, twists and turns. There’s not a lot of opportunity to get lost in your worries or your fears. You have to pay attention. You get to be fully present.

2. You find that all five of your senses are awakened.

Being fully present to what’s around you automatically awakens your senses. All of a sudden you are alert to new sights, new sounds, new smells, new touches, new tastes. You feel fully alive. (HT: Ken Davis for teaching me about living fully alive.)

To give you an example, this is what was I experienced today:

Touch: The first thing I felt was the wind.

Stepping outside, a strong gust of wind whipped across my face and through my hair. It even blew my hiking poles out of my hands before I could get a good grip on them. I had to pay attention.

Taste: In order to get to our path in the woods, we had to walk up a dusty dirt road.

This is a look down the dirt road. We walked up the road.

(Here’s a view looking down that road.)

With such strong winds the grit on the road was lifted up and swirled about every which way. It stung my face as it flew in my direction ending up in my mouth and my nostrils. “Humm. Dirt has a distinct taste. I’m tasting earth, mud, a little rockiness…” Pewwy.

Sight: Soon we were on the trail. Now I really had to be alert.

There were rises and falls. Twists and turns. Rocks and branches.

And wonderful surprises.

There were signs of spring and new life everywhere. (Those are baby Aspen leaves popping out.)

Smell: It took me several minutes before I realized that the wind could not find its way into the woods. Instead of my nostrils being full of dust,

they were overcome by the sweet aroma of pine needles, cottonwood trees and freshly sawn logs.

Hearing: What I love the most about this little tucked-away, foot-path in the forest of the Rocky Mountains, is the companionship of the stream.

The trail snakes back and forth tracing the journey of the freshly melting snow from up above. The stream stayed close by my side, talking and keeping me company the whole while.

The gurgling, bubbling, splashing, swishing sounds, coming from this stream, are all at once invigorating, soothing, comforting, and renewing. I could sit and listen to it all day—every day. I just might.

3. You find that you have gained a new perspective on whatever is on your mind.

I can’t believe I almost stayed on the couch in a grumpy mood. I was in a funk. I couldn’t “do” anything. I couldn’t find one ounce of creativity or thankfulness in me.

Until

I overcame the “dragon.”

Until

I got up and got out.

By the time I got home I was full of optimism. I was full of thankfulness. It was as if God had set up a treasure hunt for me. All I had to do was get out and get walking. Get looking.

I was full of creative ideas, dreams and hopes. My perspective had changed.

I had been transported from the vantage point of a single, isolated couch to the vantage point of wide open spaces, snow capped mountains, forests, lakes and streams.

All because I didn’t listen to that spoiled child. I did the walk.

I challenge you to get out and Do The Walk.

Find yourself

—> engaged in the present,

—> alert to all five of your senses and

—> seeing your life from a new perspective.

Get out, and

Do. The. Walk.

Question: Where can you walk or hike close to where you live? What treasures can you discover?

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Take A Deep Breath (My thoughts on Andy Andrews’ The Noticer)

the-noticer-book3Today is the official release of Andy Andrews’ new book, The Noticer. Even though I’m not “officially” reviewing the book on my blog, I could not let this day go by without saying something about it.

I received a review copy of the book back in January and was asked to give some feedback before it went to press. After I read it Mike asked me what I thought. Before I could begin my critique, he said, “Better yet, let me ask you this question: Can you think of five people, right now, that you would want to give this book to?” Without one second of hesitation I said, “Absolutely.” That’s all he needed to hear.

I have indeed given the book to five people. Well, I can actually think of twelve people I’ve already given the book to—before it was even released. (There are some perks to being married to the CEO of the publishing company.) The first person I gave this book to was my friend Phil (not his real name). When Mike and I met Phil we immediately liked him. But we could tell that he had just come through some pretty rough waters. We came to find out that Phil had recently gone through a heartbreaking and painful divorce and to top it off also found himself in the midst of a failed business. We met him as a 52 years old man, lonely, unemployed and totally defeated, someone who had no hope for anything better in his future. He was lost and paralyzed about what to do next.

One morning I emailed him the following excerpt from The Noticer:

Take a deep breath. … People who can breathe … they are alive.

If you’re breathing, you are still alive. If you are alive, then you are still here, physically on this planet. If you are still here, then you have not completed what you were put on the earth to do. If you have not completed what you were put on earth to do . . . that means your very purpose has not yet been fulfilled. If your purpose has not yet been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life has not yet been lived. And if the most important part of your life has not yet been lived . . . if the most important part of your life is ahead of you, then, even during the worst times, one can be assured that there is more laughter ahead, more success to be look forward to, more children to teach and help, more friends to touch and influence.

There is proof of hope . . . for more.

~ Andy Andrews (The Noticer pg 83-85)

I followed up by sending him a copy of the book. Several days later I began to get emails from him.

The first email came in response to my question, “Are you liking The Noticer?” His response to me was, I love it! ‘Taking it to the games tomorrow to share with my friends there. … I’m smiling.

A couple of days later he wrote:

I am really just starting to believe… It is a matter of my perspective. I have had a wrong perspective for so long and I am excited about my future. Right now… Things are financially about as low as they can go; but everything else is so much better! Thanks to you and Michael for your gift of kindness. And really, I just don’t know how to say it, but I am feeling better. I have a long way to go… But I am looking forward to my journey like never before. I hope this is not temporary or fleeting thing.

When I saw him later that week, it was obvious that a deep, inner transformation was taking place. His circumstances hadn’t changed but his perspective of them was definitely changing and I could see it right on his face! The eyes don’t lie.

A few days later he jotted off this quick note to me: I just realized I am suffering from self-pity. That’s great! I was able to recognize it for what it is and that made me smile and feel better! This perspective stuff works!

And last night this little nugget showed up in my inbox: ‘Middle of  pg 133 just hit me right between the eyes. Thanks for being God’s delivery vehicle!

Upon finishing the book Phil shared these words: One thing I did know before reading The Noticer is that I needed help with the subject of perspective. So with my mechanical pencil in hand, I picked up the book and started my own conversation with Jones [the main character in the story]—God, incarnate for me. I needed to see my life from a different point of view. God’s point of view.” Phil is gaining a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)

Phil is really like you and me. “All people—all lives—are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or headed for a crisis.” (The Noticer pg 31, 83). What we need, to make it through a crisis, is hope and perspective. Phil said to me, last night, “No matter how bad the choices and decisions (note I did not say mistakes) I have made in my life thus far, the good news is that it is from here that the best part of my life is designed to start.” That is a different perspective. That is hope.

This book will, make a difference in your life. I’m convinced of it. And it will make a difference in the lives of your friends. After you read it, ask yourself the question: Can I think of five people, right now, whom I’d like to give the book to?” I guarantee you will come up with at least five names. You’ll want to pass it on, to someone like Phil—like you and me.

For those of us in the midst of a relationship crisis, financial crisis, health crisis, or any kind of crisis, who need to begin rebuilding our lives, remember these words from Andy, “Rebuild with a grateful heart. You may have lost a house, but you did not lose your home. Remember, you are still breathing . . .”  (The Noticer pg 95).