Tag Archives: personal strength

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How Do You Know When You’re Grown Up?

As the mother of five daughters, I have had no greater joy than watching my girls grow up into remarkable women. Sure I miss watching them take their first wobbly steps, struggling to master the pedals on a bicycle, and assembling shadow boxes for a 5th grade history project. But watching them grow up and leaving those childhoods behind has been my greatest joy.

Three weeks ago today, Madeline’s (23 year, old daughter #4) boyfriend Shawn was hit by a car while riding his bicycle. It was a hit-and-run accident and he has no memory of it until he woke up in the ambulance. His hip was badly fractured. He had minor spine fractures, numerous cuts and scrapes and a terrible road rash on his hip and leg that was about two feet long.  After being hospitalized following major surgery he came to our home to recover.

While Shawn was in the hospital, Madeline never left his side. She was able to be there non-stop. Her current state of unemployment turned out to be a huge blessing.

I have a friend who is a stage-four cancer survivor. She spent a lot of time in the hospital receiving treatments and even a got a stem-cell transplant. I remember her saying, “Never leave anyone in the hospital alone. Someone needs to stay with the patient, spending not just the days but especially the nights as an advocate for him or her.” I’ve never forgotten that and have made sure to follow that advice whenever anyone I love has had to stay in the hospital. Madeline learned to carry that torch.

Shawn’s time in the emergency room and as a hospital patient was really hard. Madeline, at his side, had to help him make sense out of the accident and all the tests being performed on him. Missing meals and precious sleep, she helped him deal with incredible pain and assisted him to perform the most menial, everyday tasks. She was as strong as steel during that time.

After he was moved to our house, her determined, unwavering care continued. I have watched her, with utter admiration, as she strategically helped him in and out of bed, adjusted pillows, steadied the walker, handed crutches, changed bandages, dispensed medications—you name it. She did it. Without complaining. It has been hard. Really hard.

What makes this even more admirable is the fact that she has her own health challenges. She was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when she was fourteen years old. Physical strength and stamina have always been a challenge for her. As her mom, I have tended to not push her beyond what I thought she could handle. I think I’ve short-changed her.

This situation has called out strength, wisdom and selflessness which I have never had the opportunity to see in her before.

She has truly grown up.

Being grown up is not about reaching a certain age and being able to call yourself an adult.

Being grown up is about doing the hard stuff. It’s about finding joy and gratitude in the midst of horrible circumstances. It’s about not feeling “entitled” to your way or your comfort. It’s also about taking initiative, not waiting to be asked. And, not resenting when you are asked to do something. Being grown up is about loving.

Being grown up is not about you.

Question: What else does being grown up look like? 

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Take A Deep Breath (My thoughts on Andy Andrews’ The Noticer)

the-noticer-book3Today is the official release of Andy Andrews’ new book, The Noticer. Even though I’m not “officially” reviewing the book on my blog, I could not let this day go by without saying something about it.

I received a review copy of the book back in January and was asked to give some feedback before it went to press. After I read it Mike asked me what I thought. Before I could begin my critique, he said, “Better yet, let me ask you this question: Can you think of five people, right now, that you would want to give this book to?” Without one second of hesitation I said, “Absolutely.” That’s all he needed to hear.

I have indeed given the book to five people. Well, I can actually think of twelve people I’ve already given the book to—before it was even released. (There are some perks to being married to the CEO of the publishing company.) The first person I gave this book to was my friend Phil (not his real name). When Mike and I met Phil we immediately liked him. But we could tell that he had just come through some pretty rough waters. We came to find out that Phil had recently gone through a heartbreaking and painful divorce and to top it off also found himself in the midst of a failed business. We met him as a 52 years old man, lonely, unemployed and totally defeated, someone who had no hope for anything better in his future. He was lost and paralyzed about what to do next.

One morning I emailed him the following excerpt from The Noticer:

Take a deep breath. … People who can breathe … they are alive.

If you’re breathing, you are still alive. If you are alive, then you are still here, physically on this planet. If you are still here, then you have not completed what you were put on the earth to do. If you have not completed what you were put on earth to do . . . that means your very purpose has not yet been fulfilled. If your purpose has not yet been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life has not yet been lived. And if the most important part of your life has not yet been lived . . . if the most important part of your life is ahead of you, then, even during the worst times, one can be assured that there is more laughter ahead, more success to be look forward to, more children to teach and help, more friends to touch and influence.

There is proof of hope . . . for more.

~ Andy Andrews (The Noticer pg 83-85)

I followed up by sending him a copy of the book. Several days later I began to get emails from him.

The first email came in response to my question, “Are you liking The Noticer?” His response to me was, I love it! ‘Taking it to the games tomorrow to share with my friends there. … I’m smiling.

A couple of days later he wrote:

I am really just starting to believe… It is a matter of my perspective. I have had a wrong perspective for so long and I am excited about my future. Right now… Things are financially about as low as they can go; but everything else is so much better! Thanks to you and Michael for your gift of kindness. And really, I just don’t know how to say it, but I am feeling better. I have a long way to go… But I am looking forward to my journey like never before. I hope this is not temporary or fleeting thing.

When I saw him later that week, it was obvious that a deep, inner transformation was taking place. His circumstances hadn’t changed but his perspective of them was definitely changing and I could see it right on his face! The eyes don’t lie.

A few days later he jotted off this quick note to me: I just realized I am suffering from self-pity. That’s great! I was able to recognize it for what it is and that made me smile and feel better! This perspective stuff works!

And last night this little nugget showed up in my inbox: ‘Middle of  pg 133 just hit me right between the eyes. Thanks for being God’s delivery vehicle!

Upon finishing the book Phil shared these words: One thing I did know before reading The Noticer is that I needed help with the subject of perspective. So with my mechanical pencil in hand, I picked up the book and started my own conversation with Jones [the main character in the story]—God, incarnate for me. I needed to see my life from a different point of view. God’s point of view.” Phil is gaining a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)

Phil is really like you and me. “All people—all lives—are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or headed for a crisis.” (The Noticer pg 31, 83). What we need, to make it through a crisis, is hope and perspective. Phil said to me, last night, “No matter how bad the choices and decisions (note I did not say mistakes) I have made in my life thus far, the good news is that it is from here that the best part of my life is designed to start.” That is a different perspective. That is hope.

This book will, make a difference in your life. I’m convinced of it. And it will make a difference in the lives of your friends. After you read it, ask yourself the question: Can I think of five people, right now, whom I’d like to give the book to?” I guarantee you will come up with at least five names. You’ll want to pass it on, to someone like Phil—like you and me.

For those of us in the midst of a relationship crisis, financial crisis, health crisis, or any kind of crisis, who need to begin rebuilding our lives, remember these words from Andy, “Rebuild with a grateful heart. You may have lost a house, but you did not lose your home. Remember, you are still breathing . . .”  (The Noticer pg 95).

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Consistency: My Greatest Personal Strength

n604922829_509432_1437After reading the title for this post, I know you’re jealous. Everyone knows that consistency is the key to everything. Well, I’ve got this one nailed. Consistency is my greatest personal strength. I am consistently starting over.

So here I am again—same show, different location. Starting over. This is my second attempt at keeping a blog. The last one I began in July of 2007. I had one post that year. Yep, one post. My second post showed up in May of 2008. There were a total of five posts that year, the last of which was in July of 2008. One solid year with six posts.

I’m not sure why I have such a hard time being consistent with new projects, but it’s been the story of my life. If I had been born within the last 20 or 30 years I’m sure I would have been diagnosed with ADD. I have such a hard time staying focused. But I’m not satisfied with staying that way. I’m starting over. Today. Fresh. Sort of like a person who really wants to quit smoking, I’m not giving up. I believe in the old adage: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

I really do want to write, if for no other reason than to bring some clarity to my own thinking—to bring focus into my life. I like it when I am focused because it means that I am living in the present moment. And the present moment is the only place where I can come face-to-face with the living God. To just be with him. To hear his voice. To receive his love. To discover his treasures.

If you’re on a treasure hunt, and you really want to find a treasure, you can’t be regretting what went wrong yesterday or afraid of what might happen tomorrow, you have to have your eyes wide open to what’s directly in your sight. Each of your five senses have to be on high alert so not to miss a single clue. That’s how I want to live my life—on a perpetual treasure hunt. Come join me.

P.S. I’m not sure how long it will take me to post another post, but don’t give up on me. I’m very consistent.

[The photo above is of my grandaughter, Ellie. After eating all of her ice cream one day, she turned the remaining cone into a telescope. She's on the lookout, too.]