Category Archives: Personal Development

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Best Things: One Question That Can Make Any Day a Great Day

Marissa, our youngest daughter, was home for the weekend. She’d been at college for over a year and occasionally came home on weekends to see high school friends, do laundry, and sometimes even hang out with Mom and Dad.

On one of those weekends, we managed to coax her to stay for a leisurely Sunday dinner and catch us up on all the latest events in her life. While the food was being dished onto the plates, she blurted out, “Let’s do Best Things! I’ve been missing it like crazy! Dad, you go first. What was your best thing?”

One of our long-time family traditions is called “Best Things.” Over the years, we found that by engaging the family in this little five-step practice, we could do more to affect our kid’s—and our own— outlook on life than just about anything else.

We usually did it at the dinner table and often several times a week. It’s a simple practice and apparently one the kids loved—even if they seemed to resist it at the time.

By asking everybody at the table one simple question, the emotional climate of the day could be completely turned into one of optimism and gratitude. It’s the fastest way I know of to ensure that anybody can have a great day.

Here’s how it works:

  • Step 1: Set the ground rules.

    • Everyone will have a turn being asked one question.
    • The respondent may only answer the specific question being asked.
    • The question my not be altered.
    • There will be one conversation happening at the table.
    • One person speaks, all the others listen.

  • Step 2: Ask the question of the first person.

    Then move around the table asking each one the question:
    “What was the best thing about your day?”
    Or, “What was the best thing that happened to you today?”

  • Step 3: Don’t accept “Nothing” as an answer.

    You’ll probably find that “Nothing” becomes the default answer. The response will invariably go like this, “Nothing good happened today. But, let me tell you about ‘X’. It was awful!”

    When this comes up say, “Oops. Remember, we’ve got to follow the rules. Of all the things that happened today, what was the BEST thing?”

  • Step 4: Persist until you get an answer.

    Know this; we human beings like to wallow in our misery. We like to complain and we like to get sympathy. So, it can be really hard for us to admit that something good actually happened. And there will be days when it truly seems that nothing good happened.

    If you get to a dead end with someone at the table, pull out the secret weapon. Say, “I know, it sounds like you had a pretty lousy day. BUT, if you HAD to find one thing that was best, what would it be?”

    You’re likely to still get resistance. Just keep sounding like a broken record. “I know. I know. But if you HAD to pick out one thing, what would it be?” Or, you can ask, “If you DID have a Best Thing, what would it be?”

    Gently persist. Trust me. It works.

    If you ask this with a bit of humor, the person will usually give in and come up with something. Everyone usually has a good laugh when the person thinks and thinks and FINALLY comes up with the one thing.

  • Step 5: Probe a little deeper.

    Once a “Best Thing” is identified, ask a follow-up question: “What was it about ‘X’ that was so good?” The idea here is to focus more tightly. It’s one of my beliefs that you usually get more of what you focus on. So, let’s be intentional about where we direct our focus.

As parents, we have a window of years when we can dramatically influence our children. Developing a family tradition, like playing “Best Things,” can be one of the most enduring and positive ways we can teach them to experience life.

Even though our children are grown and out of the house, we’ll notice that at birthday dinners, or other family get-togethers, someone will invariably start the table conversation with, “What was your Best Thing today?” It really gets fun when guests are at the table and they have to be asked, “I know, but if you DID have a Best Thing, what would it be?”

And, I have to smile when I catch Michael or myself asking the other this question with no one else around except us. It’s an amazingly powerful question.

As a side note, I’ve also been proudly told by my married daughters, that they are carrying on the tradition with their own kids. What more reward can a parent hope for?

So, give it a try at your house. Let me know how it works out.

Go make it a great day!

P.S. I want to add one more thing. Take a minute and scroll down through the comments until you get to the one left by Marc Ensign. Read what he says. He talks about a similar practice called “Highs and Lows.” I love it. In fact, I might like it better than Best Thing alone. It’s a great lead-up to it. What do you think?

Question: What was your best thing today?

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How Do You Know When You’re Grown Up?

As the mother of five daughters, I have had no greater joy than watching my girls grow up into remarkable women. Sure I miss watching them take their first wobbly steps, struggling to master the pedals on a bicycle, and assembling shadow boxes for a 5th grade history project. But watching them grow up and leaving those childhoods behind has been my greatest joy.

Three weeks ago today, Madeline’s (23 year, old daughter #4) boyfriend Shawn was hit by a car while riding his bicycle. It was a hit-and-run accident and he has no memory of it until he woke up in the ambulance. His hip was badly fractured. He had minor spine fractures, numerous cuts and scrapes and a terrible road rash on his hip and leg that was about two feet long.  After being hospitalized following major surgery he came to our home to recover.

While Shawn was in the hospital, Madeline never left his side. She was able to be there non-stop. Her current state of unemployment turned out to be a huge blessing.

I have a friend who is a stage-four cancer survivor. She spent a lot of time in the hospital receiving treatments and even a got a stem-cell transplant. I remember her saying, “Never leave anyone in the hospital alone. Someone needs to stay with the patient, spending not just the days but especially the nights as an advocate for him or her.” I’ve never forgotten that and have made sure to follow that advice whenever anyone I love has had to stay in the hospital. Madeline learned to carry that torch.

Shawn’s time in the emergency room and as a hospital patient was really hard. Madeline, at his side, had to help him make sense out of the accident and all the tests being performed on him. Missing meals and precious sleep, she helped him deal with incredible pain and assisted him to perform the most menial, everyday tasks. She was as strong as steel during that time.

After he was moved to our house, her determined, unwavering care continued. I have watched her, with utter admiration, as she strategically helped him in and out of bed, adjusted pillows, steadied the walker, handed crutches, changed bandages, dispensed medications—you name it. She did it. Without complaining. It has been hard. Really hard.

What makes this even more admirable is the fact that she has her own health challenges. She was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when she was fourteen years old. Physical strength and stamina have always been a challenge for her. As her mom, I have tended to not push her beyond what I thought she could handle. I think I’ve short-changed her.

This situation has called out strength, wisdom and selflessness which I have never had the opportunity to see in her before.

She has truly grown up.

Being grown up is not about reaching a certain age and being able to call yourself an adult.

Being grown up is about doing the hard stuff. It’s about finding joy and gratitude in the midst of horrible circumstances. It’s about not feeling “entitled” to your way or your comfort. It’s also about taking initiative, not waiting to be asked. And, not resenting when you are asked to do something. Being grown up is about loving.

Being grown up is not about you.

Question: What else does being grown up look like? 

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5 Steps for Harnessing the Power of Music

I was at a seminar this past weekend where music was used to enhance the different exercises we participated in.

Upbeat, dance music was played while we all entered the room. This got us excited about being there and put us in a real state of expectation about what we were going to learn.

Beautiful, epic, instrumental soundtracks were used as we reflected and wrote thoughts pertaining to our life and our future. Uplifting and positive songs put us in a state of gratitude and plenitude.

I’ve always known it and so have you. Music is power. It influences us all the time. Religious music lifts our hearts to worship. “Emo” music leaves us feeling melancholy and often depressed. Workout music makes us MOVE. Lullabies lull us to sleep.

Music is power.

So, what if we harnessed that power and intentionally used music to prepare us for the challenges and opportunities that we face every day?

You can do just that. You can use music to manage your emotional state just by following these five steps:

1. Determine the emotional state that you need. What are you going to do?

Do you want to go for a run? Study for an exam? Have a dinner party? Unwind from a long day? Hang out with friends? Spend some “special” time with your spouse?

After coming home from the seminar, I realized that I’d love to have a playlist that I could play while I was getting ready for my day. In the kitchen fixing breakfast. In the bathroom getting dressed. What would put me in a strong, positive, state of expectation? That’s what I wanted.

2. Determine where you where you want to “go.” How do you want to feel?

Do you want to feel worshipful? Full of energy? Reflective? Creative? Nostalgic? Romantic?

I have one playlist that I call “Porch Music.” It’s the music I want to play while sipping wine with my friends on the back porch on a warm summer’s evening. I want us to be relaxed and feel free to talk and laugh together.

As I considered songs for my It’s-Going-to-Be-an-Outstanding-Day playlist, I had a very specific goal in mind. I knew exactly where I wanted to “go.” I wanted to be energetic, positive and inspired.

3. Build a play list that can take you to the “place” you want to go. 

Start a collection of playlists for lots of different situations. Some may have lyrics, some may only have instrumental pieces.  Your personal music library and iTunes are all you need.

This is the funnest part for me. (Yes, the “funnest.”) If I’m not careful I can spend hours and hours looking for just the right songs for a particular playlist. I LOVE this!

For example, when I’m going to study or write I have a playlist that I call Gail’s-Background-Music. It consists of songs from my favorite soundtracks. Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius; The Horse Whisperer, Little Women, Searching for Bobby Fischer; Braveheart, and Seabiscuit, to name a few.

As I thought about my It’s-Going-to-Be-an-Outstanding-Day list, I knew that I’d be including some dance music, some rock, and for sure a little reggae. Some of my favorite rockin’ Christian songs would be on that list. And a few fun, upbeat country songs would find spots there as well. I wanted to recall times in the past where I felt particularly strong and hopeful about the future, so I’d have a few oldies sprinkled throughout.

Bottom line: I looked for songs that made me feel good about life, about living it to the fullest. Today. I wanted to feel strong and confident—my best self—where I could be in a state to grow and to give.

4. Tweak and edit as you need to. This will be an ongoing process.

When you play this list a few times you’ll realize some of the songs just don’t fit in. Delete them. You’ll think of ones you forgot. And you’ll hear ones you must add. Keep tweaking.

5. Start listening. Get into your zone.

Listen in your kitchen. Listen in your bathroom. Listen on your back porch. Listen at your desk. Listen in your car. Listen on your run or in the gym. Most of all, have fun.

You get the idea.

Imagine how powerful this can be! Listen and let the magic of music work for you. It’s a tool that you can keep right in your personal “tool box.” Harness it’s power to manage your emotional state. Get inspired and energized. What’s possible when your best self shows up?

Question: What are some playlists you’d like to create? Think of ones you don’t currently have.

Here’s a sampling of my It’s-Going-to-Be-an-Outstanding-Day playlist

Good Morning by Mandisa (feat. TobyMac)
This is Your Life by Switchfoot
Dare You to Move by Switchfoot
 Great Adventure by Steven Curtis Chapman
Live Out Loud by Steven Curtis Chapman
Dive by Steven Curtis Chapman
 Stomp by Kirk Franklin
Who Wouldn’t Want to Be Me by Keith Urban
Let’s Get Loud by Jennifer Lopez
Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Free Ride by Edger Winter
Good Life by One Republic
Beautiful Life by Ace of Base
It’s My Life by Bon Jovi 

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How Many Books Are You Reading?

Last night, as Mike and I were going to bed, I read to him from a book I had just started. It was a book on marriage. It was debunking traditional advice given to people who desire to have a better marriage. Then this morning I read to him something I had read about Nihilism. It interested me because it applied to a problem a friend of ours was struggling with.

He said to me, “I thought you were reading the book about marriage.”

“I am,” I responded, “but I’m also reading about Nihilism.”

Then he thought for a minute. “And weren’t you just talking to me about something you read from A Wrinkle in Time?”

“Yep. I’m reading that too.”

I counted them up and admitted that I was actually reading six books at the moment.

He laughed, because he had five books of his own going at that time.

Now, before you put me in the “egg-head” category I need to make it crystal clear that I’m not a part of the new intelligentsia—as if that’s exactly what you were thinking. I do love books, but primarily because I need lots of help with life.

Sadly, I can’t take St. John Chrysostom, C.S. Lewis or David McCullough to lunch and pick their brains. I can’t literally surround myself with all the people smarter than me, or people who have traveled down roads on which I’m traveling. But I can surround myself with their words. So, when I have a question, when I need help, when I need to see life from a different perspective, I pick up a book.

I don’t always finish books. Occasionally I do, but more often than not I don’t. And that’s just fine. Sometimes it’s like meeting someone, getting the help you need and moving on without having to know everything they say about everything. And let’s be honest, some books aren’t worth finishing.

But many are and I just keep them going until I’ve gotten what I need, I get bored, something else grabs my attention, or until I finish them and grieve over their departure.

As I’ve thought about the number of books I tend to have at my side at any given time, I discovered three reasons why I don’t stick to just one:

1. Books come in a variety of formats. Each format fits a particular situation.

Traditional bound books:
Perfect for morning reading. I usually have a ruler and a pen in my hand. I ask questions, jot down comments in the margins and have a conversation with the author while I enjoy my morning coffee.

Audio books:
Great for road trips and long walks.

Electronic books:
Best for air travel and waiting rooms.

2. Books address the diversity of life’s circumstances. Life comes at you fast, from all angles.

Stories, Fiction, History:
For when I need some comic relief or a new perspective on life.

Practical Living:
For when I need to tap into someone else’s life experience and get concrete help for life’s challenges.

Personal Growth:
For when I need inspiration and an encouraging word from travelers who are ahead of me on life’s road.

3. Our days play out in a variety of settings. The different settings present different opportunities for learning.

Morning Reading:
My mind is the most alert and the most “teachable” in the morning. Consequently, this is when I tend to read “heavier” material.

On-the-go Reading:
If I’m likely to be distracted or interrupted I’ll gravitate toward fiction or stories that don’t require me to have a pen and paper in hand.

Bedtime Reading:
Because I’m already sleepy, I need a book that I can read in snippets. I rarely finish a chapter at night so I want to read bite-sized portions that will give my mind something positive to meditate on while I sleep.

So, there you have it. Three reasons why I read several books at one time and why it’s OK for you, too.

QUESTION: What about you? How many books are you reading right now?

P.S. Here are the books I’m currently reading:

A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L’Engle (Audio Book)

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller (Kindle)

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman (Paperback)

Nihilism, The Root of the Revolution of the Modern Age by Eugene (Fr. Seraphim) Rose (Paperback)

Giver of Life, The Holy Spirit in Orthodox Tradition by Fr. John Oliver (Paperback)

The Melody of Faith, Theology in an Orthodox Key by Vigen Guroian (Paperback)

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Do the Climb?—You’ve got to be kidding! (Follow-up to Do the Walk)

Sometimes we face enormous challenges. The climb is steep. The obstacles immense. We think we can’t continue. But that’s just when it begins to get interesting.

For example, last Sunday, I talked about Doing the WaIk. And that’s just what Mike and I have done almost every day since we’ve been in Colorado. But … I think we may have gotten a little over-confident.

We’ve loved hiking while here in the Rockies. So Tuesday we decided to do a climb. Not a climb as in rock-climbing, but a climb as in climbing up and over miles of rocks.

We had heard of two beautiful lakes on top of our mountain. The hike was only supposed to take an hour and half one way. We were up for it.

We started out on our beautiful forest trail.

We crossed over one bridge. (This is usually where our daily hikes have stopped—about 30 minutes up.) The little foot bridge would take us to places we’d never been before.

And soon crossed back over the stream on a second bridge.

The rushing water over the huge boulders was breathtaking.

Little did we know that our breaths would literally be taken away. We were at 9,200 feet and climbing. (I had an app on my iPhone that could tell me my current elevation.)

And climbing straight up. Away from the little path that we had come to know and love. Away from the companionship of our mountain stream. In fact, we couldn’t hear the sound of running water at all. We were now deep into the forest climbing a long, steep, dry, dusty, rocky staircase.

And up and up and up we climbed. Over more piles of loose rocks. This is when you are so grateful you invested in a pair of great hiking boots and hiking poles.

For probably an hour, the high altitude combined with the steep incline forced us to keep the following rhythm: Walk for 60 steps. Stop. Rest for 60 seconds. Go. Walk for 60 steps. Stop. Rest for 60 seconds. Go. Over and over. Our hearts were pounding right out of our chests. Our lungs felt like they were on fire. Our legs felt like they were lead weights.

We had to stop and sit down about every 15 minutes just so we wouldn’t fall over.

Never in my life had we attempted anything so exhausting. Our legs just didn’t want move.

We said things like this to each other: “We must have taken a wrong turn.” “This can’t be right.” ”Should we listen to our bodies?” They’re saying STOP.” “What if one of us breaks a leg? How could we haul each other out of here?” “What if we get stranded up here all night.”  On and on and on and on went our thoughts.

But on another level we KNEW it would be worth it. Our climb was supposed to take an hour and half. We had to be close. But, by the time we’d reached that limit, there was STILL no end to “up” in sight.

Thankfully, the dusty, rocky trail came to an end, and we heard the sound of running water again. Now we MUST be close..

We saw water. “Great, that must be coming straight off the lake!!”  We were so glad we didn’t bail.

We saw more water. Lots of beautiful water, tumbling and playing among huge, moss-covered boulders.

But still no end in sight. Only more “up.” And now, “up” with snow!? We had not prepared for snow. When we saw what looked like bear tracks in the snow we started to get scared all over again.

After two hours—well past the hour and a half prediction, we stopped to re-evaluate. The sun was going down behind the mountain top, and we were afraid our descent would be in the dark. Here we were, in the middle of nowhere, afraid and discouraged and didn’t know how much more our bodies could take. They were were screeming STOP.

We seriously contemplated turning around. I mean, we truly had accomplished more than we ever had before. We saw some gorgeous sites. We had no regrets.

But would we?

As we stood there, going back and forth in our minds, the thought came to us to call our friend Randy Elrod who had made this climb before. Thankfully my cell phone was able to connect to him—though spotty. We told him where we were and of our struggle. We told him we were completely exhausted, discouraged and even a little scared. As we described our surroundings, he said, “You’ve got to be so close.” “I just know it.”

He was able to find out the elevation of the Lakes. I told him my iPhone app showed we were at 10,224 feet. Randy said, “You’re only about 100 feet away. You’re SO close. ”

“But what about the sunset I said?” (It was about 5pm by this point.)

He assured us, “I’ve made that climb over 30 times!” And I’ve come down after 7:00pm before. You have nothing to worry about. You’ll have plenty of light. Go for it. You can do it. You won’t be sorry.”

So we did—with his voice ringing in our ears, “You can do it”—we squared our shoulders, grabbed our poles and climbed some more.

Within five minutes we saw the landmark we had been waiting for: The Colorado Trail sign.

Elevation 10,290.

We turned left and knew the lakes were only a few more steps away. (FYI, if we would have kept straight, we could have climbed one of Colorado’s 14-footers … NO THANKS.)

All of a sudden, within two more minutes, we got our first glimpse. We immediately recognized the patten of snow, cascading downward, as the mountain directly above our cabin. Surely we hadn’t climbed THAT far???

With each step we saw more and more.

Mike whipped out the camera (which felt like it weighed about 100 pounds by this time!) and began snapping away. We found new energy.

THIS is what we saw. Indescribable beauty. Up so high only the eagles saw it everyday.

The lake was FULL of trout.

It was a little tough to get a photo of the trout but there are two in this picture.

We happened to be there right at their feeding time (I think it’s called a hatch.) and the lake looked like a giant bowl of popcorn with fish popping up and down all over the place. That frenzy lasted all of about five minutes. As abruptly as it started, it stopped. Then the lake was as smooth as glass. If ONLY we had brought a fishing pole!

After soaking up as much as we possibly could, we headed back down the mountain for home.

Down. Out of the lush, snow patched woods. Back to the rocks.

Down that rocky staircase, once again. It was SO much easier going down. My heart and my lungs … and my heart, were very happy now.

Soon we were back to our familiar little foot bridge.

And back on our familiar little path.

One and a half hours later (four  and a half hours after we had started our climb) we were back to our familiar little cabin. (Shaved off one hour coming down. Yay!!)

Before going inside, I turned around and looked up. This is how far we had climbed? All that snow was heading down into the “bowl” where the lakes are located. We had been way up there. Glory be to God.

Was it worth it?

A resounding YESsirree!

As I lay on the couch, feet elevated, Ibuprofen now in my system, I had some time to ask myself what could I take away from this adventure. Like most things in life, if we pay close attention, we’ll see that God is always teaching us. Here are three things I learned from our climb:

1. Set your sights high.
Sometimes we determine to do something or go somewhere and have no idea what it will require of us. But sometimes what you don’t know can help you. I don’t think we’d ever have attempted that climb if we would have known how difficult it would be. But now, on the other side of it, I have NO regrets. I am full of gratitude that I could succeed at something that was so above my comfort level.

2. Call on someone who’s successfully met this challenge before.
When you feel lost in the woods and you feel scared and exhausted of all your resources—like you can’t go another step, call on someone who has walked this road before. That person can tell you if it truly is worth it. They can tell you how to navigate the rough spots. They’ve been there. They’ve done it. They can give you perspective. They can give you the encouragement you need to believe you can make it, and give you concrete steps to make it to the end.

3. Invest what you learn into the lives of others.
The confidence and wisdom you gain, from pushing through the resistance, are qualities that strengthen and mature you. It should be no surprise, then, when one day you get a phone call from a friend who is exhausted, scared and can’t take another step. You can be their “Randy” who’s been down that road before and can help them get to the other side.

So, now my admonishment to you is:

Do The Climb.

What is your Climb? You can do it. Don’t loose heart. It will be so worth it.

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Do The Walk

(All photos for this post were taken on my iPhone.)

Let’s admit it. When it comes to doing things that you know are good for you, you can act like a little child. There are those times when you just don’t want to. Inwardly you feel like a rebellious little brat who just refuses. “You can’t make me.” “You’re not the boss of me.”

Or you’re like a whiney, pouty little kid. “I don’t feel like it.” “I can’t.” “Just leave me alone.”

Or there are those times when you are too cool and too smart to do it. “That’s okay. You go ahead.” “I’m fine.” “I’ve already tried that.”

There’s a little kid inside of each of us. Keeping us from getting what we truly want.

I just got through reading Do The Work. In it Steven Pressfield gets us to acknowledge that in the pursuit of any personal goal or creative dream we WILL meet resistance. Resistance is what holds us back. It’s what firmly stands in our way to keep us from achieving what it is that we want. Pressfield lays out a great strategy for overcoming this “dragon” of resistance.

The force of resistance can apply to a lot more than just the pursuit of goals. In truth, it rears it’s ugly head whenever good is pursued. It often shows up in the form of that spoiled little child.

That child showed up big-time for me today. Even though I am in the beautiful Rocky Mountains enjoying my first ever sabbatical, I was in a funk. A grumpy mood. So when Mike said it was time to get out and go on our daily hike I procrastinated. I protested. I pleaded. I found myself face-to-face with that inner “dragon” of resistance.

Hiking sounded like too much worrrrrk. I’d rather sit on the couch and stay grumpy. That was much easier. I had lots of excuses why I could skip going outside today. Thankfully, with Mike’s gentle coaxing, I found that I could put on my boots, grab my poles, and get outside.

Within five minutes of walking the rewards started to come to me. By the time we got back home (an hour and ten minutes later), my mood had drastically changed and I felt more like my true self.

How did that happen? What are the rewards? Why is it crucial to get outside—in and among nature—and walk as often as possible?

I discovered three reasons:

1. You find yourself living in the present.

Because the terrain is unpredictable, you have to pay attention. Unlike walking on smooth concrete or asphalt, you have to watch your step. You have to be alert. There are dips and rises, rocks and branches, twists and turns. There’s not a lot of opportunity to get lost in your worries or your fears. You have to pay attention. You get to be fully present.

2. You find that all five of your senses are awakened.

Being fully present to what’s around you automatically awakens your senses. All of a sudden you are alert to new sights, new sounds, new smells, new touches, new tastes. You feel fully alive. (HT: Ken Davis for teaching me about living fully alive.)

To give you an example, this is what was I experienced today:

Touch: The first thing I felt was the wind.

Stepping outside, a strong gust of wind whipped across my face and through my hair. It even blew my hiking poles out of my hands before I could get a good grip on them. I had to pay attention.

Taste: In order to get to our path in the woods, we had to walk up a dusty dirt road.

This is a look down the dirt road. We walked up the road.

(Here’s a view looking down that road.)

With such strong winds the grit on the road was lifted up and swirled about every which way. It stung my face as it flew in my direction ending up in my mouth and my nostrils. “Humm. Dirt has a distinct taste. I’m tasting earth, mud, a little rockiness…” Pewwy.

Sight: Soon we were on the trail. Now I really had to be alert.

There were rises and falls. Twists and turns. Rocks and branches.

And wonderful surprises.

There were signs of spring and new life everywhere. (Those are baby Aspen leaves popping out.)

Smell: It took me several minutes before I realized that the wind could not find its way into the woods. Instead of my nostrils being full of dust,

they were overcome by the sweet aroma of pine needles, cottonwood trees and freshly sawn logs.

Hearing: What I love the most about this little tucked-away, foot-path in the forest of the Rocky Mountains, is the companionship of the stream.

The trail snakes back and forth tracing the journey of the freshly melting snow from up above. The stream stayed close by my side, talking and keeping me company the whole while.

The gurgling, bubbling, splashing, swishing sounds, coming from this stream, are all at once invigorating, soothing, comforting, and renewing. I could sit and listen to it all day—every day. I just might.

3. You find that you have gained a new perspective on whatever is on your mind.

I can’t believe I almost stayed on the couch in a grumpy mood. I was in a funk. I couldn’t “do” anything. I couldn’t find one ounce of creativity or thankfulness in me.

Until

I overcame the “dragon.”

Until

I got up and got out.

By the time I got home I was full of optimism. I was full of thankfulness. It was as if God had set up a treasure hunt for me. All I had to do was get out and get walking. Get looking.

I was full of creative ideas, dreams and hopes. My perspective had changed.

I had been transported from the vantage point of a single, isolated couch to the vantage point of wide open spaces, snow capped mountains, forests, lakes and streams.

All because I didn’t listen to that spoiled child. I did the walk.

I challenge you to get out and Do The Walk.

Find yourself

—> engaged in the present,

—> alert to all five of your senses and

—> seeing your life from a new perspective.

Get out, and

Do. The. Walk.

Question: Where can you walk or hike close to where you live? What treasures can you discover?

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Wishing You a HAPPY New Year … And Me Too

I know I’m four days late, but I’m saying it anyway. “Happy New Year.” And I mean it. HAPPY New Year.

Not happy like “I’m-happy-because-I’m-getting-everything-I-want” happy.”

But “happy-because-I’m-at-peace” happy.

This is what I wish for you.

I was thinking that happiness is really a state of being at peace, a state of contentment. When we “lose our peace” we can’t be happy. But “keeping our peace” equals true happiness and can be had anywhere, in any situation.

It happens in the heart.

Over the holidays I began reading a book which got me thinking along these lines. It’s a book called Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives and is written by an unlikely character, a man who goes by the name of Elder Thaddeus. He’s a scraggly, old, long gray-bearded Orthodox monk who lived in Serbia.

He was a very sickly child, lead an extremely difficult life, and eventually became a monk.

All the pain and difficulty he experienced over his lifetime would have made most people bitter, angry, resentful, depressed and eventually despondent.

But Elder Thaddeus, as the years piled up, became more loving, more infused with wisdom and more peaceful. People would travel for very far distances just to seek his counsel. He was a man who was united with God both in body and in spirit.

Reading about people who have endured great hardships in life and who have emerged as shining reflections of Christ are great encouragements to me.

They remind me that I have nothing to complain about.

They remind me to live in the present moment and see where God is at work and what He’s asking of me.

They remind me to be thankful.

They remind me to be empathetic to others—for I have no idea what battles people face.

I love this quote:

Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
~ by Plato, Philo of Alexandria, or most likely Ian MacLaren.
(It doesn’t really matter. I thoroughly agree with the message!)

This coming year, I am going to make a concerted effort to learn more about those who have endured hard things and who have been able to “keep their peace.” I’m going to pay attention to the times when I “lose my peace.” I want to figure out why I lost it and what I can do differently the next time I’m faced with the same type of situation.

I want to remember that being able to experience peace in the first place is a gift of God. It’s only possible because I’m created in His image and He dwells within me. He’s the Prince of peace, after all. I want to listen to and learn from the best and obey what He’s telling me to do. THAT is the hard part. But I’ve got a whole year to practice … and maybe a few more.

So, with all my heart, I wish you … and me a

VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

…put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;  bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful …  Colossians 3:12-16 (NKJV)

QUESTION: Can you recommend a book or film about a real-life person who learned how to be truly happy, truly at peace, regardless of what they were facing in the moment?

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Saying Goodbye … With Anticipation

I hate good-byes. And this week I’m having to say “Good-bye” to Christmas (January 7th, the day after Epiphany, is when I put away my decorations). Christmas is over. Waaaaaeh—I just tried spelling it this way for the first time. Does it sound more whiney than “Waaaaaa?”

Anyway, this week I’ll be be putting away all the Christmas decorations. Taking them down always makes me a little sad. It’s like stuffing a bobbing, jack-in-the-box clown back into its box and pressing on the lid. I feel rather cruel putting him back into his box, but I LOVE it when I start twisting the handle. I love the anticipation—knowing that he’s going to pop out any second and make me smile … again.

These make me smile:

Most of my ornaments are red and gold. Those, nestled in the fir’s greenery, are the perfect combination as far as I’m concerned. Radiant.

Unwrapping each ornament is like setting all the captives free, one by one, after twelve months of prison. Seeing really old friends in their new-found freedom is the best of all. This is a photo of one of my mom’s ornaments. I’ve liberated it for 55 years in a row (it’s ca.1922 or thereabouts). Think about that. How many things in your home have been with you your whole life … and before your life? Aren’t they amazingly special?

I love the images of Santa Clause. This little Santa light has been with me for as long as I can remember, at least since I was eight. I think I’ve only changed the bulb twice. Every year he finds a new place to perch. This year I had to put him in my kitchen window so I could look at him all the time. That’s where I’d see him the most.  I loved setting him next to the new card I got this year—one reproduced from Randy Elrod’s magnificent watercolor of Santa. What an amazing artist Randy is. How does he do it?

My favorite little Santa of all. The real star of Christmas this year. (Ben Spradlin, born October 01, 2010.) Nothing like a real baby at Christmastime.

The reason for the season. Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

Here are some hymns we sing at Christmas.
Think about the theology in these for a minute. It will blow your mind!

#1
Thy Nativity, O Christ our God, hath shone upon the world the light of knowledge; for thereby, they that worshipped the stars were taught by a star to worship Thee, the Sun of Righteousness, and to know Thee, the Dayspring from on high. O Lord, glory be to Thee!

 

#2
Today the Virgin giveth birth to Him who is above all being, and the earth offereth a cave to Him whom no man can approach. Angels with shepherds give glory, and magi journey with a star. For our sake is born a young Child, the Pre-eternal God!

 

#3
How is He contained in a womb, whom nothing can contain?
And how can He who is in the bosom of the Father
be held in the arms of His Mother?
This is according to His good pleasure,
as He knows and wishes.
For being without flesh,
of His own will has He been made flesh;
and He Who Is,
for our sakes has become that which He was not.
Without departing from His own nature
He has shared in our substance.
Desiring to fill the world on high with citizens,
Christ has undergone a twofold birth.

#4
Christ is born, glorify Him! Christ is come from heaven, go to meet Him! Christ is on earth, be ye lifted up! Sing to the Lord, all the earth; sing out with gladness, all ye people. For He is glorified.

“Goodbye, 2010″ … with anticipation … :-)

(link to text of Nativity hymns)

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No Time for Drama

One thing I’m loving about being with my family this week is the lack of DRAMA.

There has been no walking on egg shells. No whispers behind someone’s back. We’re just there, looking at our feet and being present, loving and appreciating each other. Laughing, crying, hugging (my personal favorite), cooking, eating, cleaning, debating, sparring, eating, expressing, listening, reminiscing, more eating (what is it with the eating?) and most of all seeking to understand. I love it.

It hasn’t always been this way, and thankfully over the years, and through lots of pain, we’ve chipped away at the superfluous and been left with the gems of each other.

I’d say, it’s also been intentional. Believe me, there has been plenty of drama in my family and it still creeps up every now and then. But now it seems that we’re all intent on growing and changing and allowing each other to grow and change. We don’t “freeze-frame” each other any more, binding each other to some less-than-desirable stage of our past.

Yesterday, as my brother Karl was packing up to go back to Denver, he commented that he was now my biggest brother. I’ve lost two of my brothers and someday maybe I’ll write on the loss of my second. There’s some drama there. But I’m not ready to yet.

Karl is the third brother and Loren is the fourth. What a gift it’s been for me to be the little sister in a family of boys. I’ve always had a big brother to protect me and help me fly straight. Seriously, how cool is that? Hopefully, I will always have a big brother in my life because, Lord knows, I need all the help I can get.

Coming together as a family, when experiencing the loss of someone you love dearly, strips away all of the superfluous like nothing else can. God gives us a unique opportunity to zero in on what really matters, what really counts, what really lasts. Family matters. Brothers matter.

There is no place for drama at a time like this. Or … at anytime, for that matter. Just a time to be real and to be loved.

Question:
How much drama do you have in your family? What can you do it send it packing?

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Habits: Like well worn paths…

It’s times like this when I wish I had more habits under my belt. I feel overwhelmed and out of sorts. Not sure which way to turn or what to do first. Habits make it possible to just act without much thinking. Habits are like well worn paths to get you where you need to go when you can’t see the forest for the trees.

I don’t have to think about getting up in the morning and getting dressed. I don’t have to think about flossing and brushing my teeth at night because they are habits. Thankfully I have the habit of making my bed each morning—it took me about 25 years of marriage to get that one under my belt. I don’t seem to have too much problem washing the clothes and putting them away anymore.

I have a few habits in my life that are still “in process.” Setting aside a special time for prayer and Scripture reading are foundational to my well-being, but I still struggle with consistency in these areas. I’ve got feeding-the-dog down now and am working on mastering cleaning the kitchen sink each night before bed.

Habits which have been particularly hard to nail down are ones like putting the dry cleaning outside for pickup every Monday and Thursday, exercising everyday, and writing my World Vision children on a regular basis. I sent them Easter cards—the ones provided by WV—but have not written any letters since Christmas.

Two of the most stubborn habits for me to master are keeping up with my email, keeping my inbox to zero (don’t tell my husband but I have 1459 messages in my inbox), and blogging regularly. I really would like to be blogging more. There is a lot of fascinating things I know would make great blog posts, but I just can’t seem to get off the dime. I just don’t seem to have the energy to get started. I haven’t developed the habit to see me through.

When life is interrupted, becomes very stressful, and your “reserves” are spent, habits come in very handy.

Everything for me, right now, seems like such a major effort. A lot of challenges have come my way all at once. (For some reason the Lenten Season is often filled with an extra dose of trials.) Many of my friends and some of my family are going through very difficult circumstances and I want to be there to support and encourage them as much as I can.

I also have two sick children at home who’ve needed a lot of extra attention. My husband‘s been traveling a lot in the last month, so my backup hasn’t been here. It seems like I’m the one shouldering the load. It’s really beginning to drain me. Our youngest, Marissa, has a horrible case of Mono. She came home from college for Spring break and should have gone back on March the 13th. Here it is the 26th, she is still home and I think she’ll have another week here, at least. Our second youngest, Madeline is having major surgery this coming Monday. The two of us have gone to doctor’s appointments, one after another, for several weeks now. Talk about exhausting.

I’ve noticed that when my resources are depleted I fall back on my habits, the good ones and the bad ones. It’s in times like these that I wish I had a lot more good ones. I’m glad for the good habits that are well engrained. As for the others, I must pay attention to how I feel right now knowing that they COULD have been available to me IF ONLY I had been more faithful to develop them. For now, all is not lost however. I have my family and friends to gently prod me to do the things which need to be done. (I hope it’s gentle)

My Twitter friend, Peter Pollock, has nudged me from time to time to keep blogging. Today he gave me a BIG push by mentioning me on his blog. I was honored but simultaneously embarrassed because those who will come to my site through his will not see anything new I’ve written since March the 1st—except, now for this post. Truth is, I want to do better, not because I’m succumbing to peer pressure but, because writing/blogging is something I really do want to do. I wish the habit of writing was already well rooted in me. But … it’s not.

So, I’ve been gently prodded to post today. That’s OK. Whatever it takes, for now. Thanks for your encouragement, Peter. Maybe someday I won’t need to be prodded. Maybe someday it will be a habit.

“Habits are safer than rules; you don’t have to watch them. And you don’t have to keep them either. They keep you.”
Frank Crane

QUESTION: What habits do you know you should be working on, but keep avoiding? Which ones will be the best, well-worn paths to help you get where you need to be?